he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
