I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
