Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
