You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
