I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
