biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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