I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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