You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
