from now on my penis is your penis
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
