Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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