I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
