Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
