I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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