I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
