so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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