franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
