are you still at the devil's house?
worst night to have a conscience
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
