You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
