Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
