He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
