You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
