apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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