Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
