I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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