I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
