I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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