She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
