Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
