just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I didn't notice because vodka
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
