Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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