It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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