I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
