I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
