carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
