dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
