he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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