P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
