Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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