the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
