he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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