No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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