the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just pee around me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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