are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
