forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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