Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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