It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
