12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
