Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
