I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
