she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When did angry sex become our thing?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
