I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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